Often times I am asked “what is your story” during interviews, by friends, colleagues, etc. So here is a deeper look at the midwife. It’s quite lengthy.
My name is Ashley Stanton and I have 3 beautiful children, I have had 4 miscarriages and I also have a very tall husband named Danny. This is important because I am very short. We live in the city with our two dogs and a house full of toys to step on in the middle of the night.
I want to start off by saying that I am NOT anti hospital birth and I ADORE the doctors and nurse midwives that I collaborate with. My story is not your burden to bare and all doctors should not be treated like they are the enemy. Doctors are necessary just as low risk midwives are.
My Path To Becoming The Midwife
Growing up, I would go back and forth about caring for children in this way or that way but as I got older my focus shifted to babies and then pregnancy. When deciding what I wanted to do, nursing school was always there. I ruled out becoming a doctor for the simple reason that I did not want to be in school that long.
Of course, when I started college I decided to get a degree in accounting and work towards nursing school… because why not?
Danny and I became pregnant the end my first year in college, I continued school through my pregnancy and came to a halt postpartum.
Backing Up A Bit
I was a broke college kid and applied for the state medicaid. They sent me a book of approved care providers and I just picked one with a pretty name that was close to me. Can you say fail?!
I had some feelings of neglect from my OBGYN but had no clue that I could shop for my doctor much less pick a midwife. So I stayed put even though I felt ignored. Oh, and home birth was something from the 1600’s. How naive was I? How uneducated was I?
While pregnant, I researched everything. Or at least I thought I did. My research was more on the less medical things like sewing burp clothes and baby furniture.
I did not research the important things like prenatal testing, medications and vaccines while pregnant, my doctor’s surgical statistics, my doctor’s backup doctors, circumcision, and barely touched on breastfeeding.
Here Comes Baby
I developed a rash called PUPPS the last 2-3 months of my pregnancy and I was miserable, barely sleeping, scratching my skin off and just plain DONE.
I started contracting at 38 weeks 5 days at noon and went in that evening because I thought it was time. Sadly, I was told I was in “warm up” labor and sent home. When I could no longer sleep through the contractions we went in to the hospital a few hours later at 2 am.
Now at 38 weeks 6 days I was admitted. Intervention after intervention was pushed. Finally, it ended with me confined to the bed with way too strong pitocin contractions and an epidural to “save the day.”
We were left alone in our corner of the hospital for a long while when my doctor’s back up doctor came in and told me that I would need a cesarean for failure to progress.
As we were processing this news (sobbing), they decided that I had not had a vaginal exam in quite some time (5 hours) and she shoved her fingers in and exclaimed “you’re complete! You can push now!”
The Birth
The doctor left and a nurse started instructing me on how to push while Danny and my mother held my numb legs up for me. The nurse left the room at some point and we continued to push the way she had shown us with contractions.
She came back in the room, saw that we were still pushing (she never told us to stop), yelled at us and yelled down the hall that she needed a doctor now and all the nurses flooded in.
After 10 more minutes of pushing my baby boy was born. He was placed on my chest for about 30 seconds and taken to the warmer.
With all the excitement, people who were not supposed to be in the room ran in from the waiting room while my legs were wide open. I have never felt so vulnerable in my life. I am still so angry to this day that the staff let that happen.
There was a lot done and said to me during my birth that I have not processed enough to be completely vulnerable with you and for that, I am sorry.
Postpartum
I did not receive good advice in the postpartum ward about breastfeeding. When I raised my concerns to my OB and my pediatrician they brushed it away. The result was that my son lost weight and instead of encouraging breastfeeding I was handed formula.
My postpartum depression was ignored as well. It became dark very quickly for me.
I tried to go back to school 1.5 months later and could not make it through a day. My depression was too heavy.
Not only that, I no longer wanted to work as a nurse in the hospital setting. How could I continue with classes for a job that I didn’t believe in?
So I quit school. Done. I felt lost as to what to do next. Not that I could do anything at that point. The postpartum depression was debilitating.
Related: How to pick the perfect midwife for you!
What The Heck Is A Doula?
Time passed and my depression was becoming lighter. I took to Facebook to ask the masses what I should do with my life now? I stated that I did not want to work in a hospital or be a nurse but wanted to be an advocate for pregnant mothers.
Someone suggested a doula and I thought that they had made a typo. Ha!
So I researched, signed up for a course and bam. Hello doula Ashley!
I was so ready for this and I was going to make sure that others had a voice. I hit the ground running and booked myself solid.
My second birth as a doula was a home birth. I had never seen one before but had a few Facebook friends who had had one, learned about them in my doula training and went in with an open mind.
The Midwife
I saw how wonderful birth could be. This home birth was brilliant. The midwife present complimented me on my doula skills and asked me if I had thought about being a midwife.
Nope. I’m good.
I continued my doula work for a couple of years and had another birth with the midwife. That very same midwife. I was so excited that it was another home birth because I was growing weary of being a doula in the hospital setting. For every doctor practicing informed consent it seemed like there were 3 who pushed their own agenda on my clients.
This mom was laboring beautifully at her house before the midwife planned on arriving when she suddenly started pouring blood.
I knew it wasn’t okay and notified the midwife who was seconds from her house. The father and I started following her orders until she came in. The midwife initiated a transport and paramedics got them to the hospital quickly.
At the hospital, the midwife asked me if I was ready to be a midwife yet.
My curiosity was peaked but again, nope. I’m good.
Two Days Later
Two days later I woke up with clarity and registered for midwifery school. I knew then that being a midwife was what I was called to do. I had to experience being a doula to get to that point.
Looking back, I am so glad that I was a doula. I was able to meet amazing doctors and nurse midwives in the hospital.
I gave 4 years to midwifery school apprenticing, training and studying like mad to become a licensed midwife and it finally happened.
During those 4 years I experienced my own redemptive home birth. I experienced my second home birth a few months after obtaining my midwifery license.
The Midwife
Though I have experienced some traumatic events in my life I am grateful for them. Without the traumatizing birth I would not have pursued midwifery and found my true passion.
Side note, I am glad that I focused on accounting as well because I am my own boss and those skills are very useful. There might have been a bigger plan in all of that! 😉
All of my past experiences such as my birth, my young age, my miscarriages, my struggles to breastfeed, my doctor ignoring my postpartum depression and my redemptive home birth have allowed me to connect to my clients on a much deeper level.
Hear Me
Again, I really want you to know that I am not trying to bash hospital birth in this. I am simply telling my story. There are wonderful hospital births every day. There are wonderful hospital care providers that bend over backwards to serve women. Some of these providers are good allies and friends of mine.
Just like in every profession there are those who do their job well and those who abuse their power. What you should take from my story is how these experiences changed my path. What you should not take from this story is how bad hospitals and doctors are.
