Everyone wants to see the new baby when he is born and focus on his cute squishy face but do we help new moms enough after the birth of their first or tenth baby?
Being present will help new moms
There are many ways that we can help new mothers just by being there with an open heart and listening ears.
Listen to her
If she wants to talk about her birth experience, listen. Maybe she wants to talk about how tired or how over the moon she is, if so listen. If she is struggling, listen. Sometimes just having another person agree with you that your struggles are hard helps a lot. Having a newborn isn’t easy.
Tell her that she is an amazing mother
“You’re doing such a great job!” “You are an amazing mother!” “You’ve got this!” “I am so proud of you!” Keep the complements coming. After you praise her ability to rock motherhood, do not forget to ask how you can help her.
Be okay with “No.”
One of the easiest and most needed ways you can help new moms is to respect their wishes. If she says you may not hold her new baby do not take it personally. She may tell you that she is not up for company and not to stop by. You may offer to do something you think will be helpful and be turned down. Do not take this personally, she still loves you, she just does not need or want what you are offering.
Being a new mom to the first of seventh baby is hard. You have many people telling you the best way to parent and assuming that you want everyone to visit and enjoy the new baby snuggles with you. Just smile and let her know that you are there for her and can help or see baby whenever she is ready.
Bring her something she needs
This looks different for each mother but there are the basics that every mother enjoys. Above the basics, some might be into bath goodies for themselves or candles or if they are like me, that extra “stuff” will be thrown in the back of the closet for 3 years.
Set up or contribute to a meal train
Every mother can benefit from a good meal that she did not have to make herself. See if she has a meal train set up and if not, be the one to set it up! Before creating a meal you think she will enjoy, make sure there are no food allergies in the house and when would be a good time to drop off the food. Do not assume because you made her a meal that she will be wanting visitors or be emotionally available for company.
Always ask before you drop off food if the family is ready for company. Some are glad to have an extra hand there to hold baby and talk with while they eat and others just want to be left alone. You never know how a mother is processing having a new baby and she may not want to be disturbed. It is important to realize that you are being such a big, wonderful help to the family by bringing them a meal but doing so does not entitle you to overstaying your welcome and holding baby.
Help new moms even if you live far away
There are amazing services like grocery delivery and food delivery now a days. Just last week I sent a food delivery driver to a friends home. She does not live far away but it is flu season and her family wants time to enjoy their new baby by themselves, and that’s perfectly fine! Gift cards to restaurants with take out are nice as well.
Ask the new mother what she is in need of. Maybe she is low on toilet paper and is dreading going to the store or a pizza night sounds yummy.
Offer to go to the grocery store for her
This goes along with grocery delivery services. If you have asked the new family if you can come visit, go ahead and ask if there is anything from the store you can pick up for them. Things like toilet paper, soap, chocolate, diapers and nursing pads can be overlooked before getting low.
Acts of service
Spending money on new families is not always feasible for those who do not have money to spend. I know I’ve felt guilty in the past for not contributing to a meal train because I did not have the money to do so. What I did have is love and time to give to a new family.
Do something around the house
We can help new moms by folding laundry, putting dirty laundry in the wash, loading the dishwasher, cleaning bottles, taking the trash outside, running the vacuum or dusting. Yard work can be a major help too! Recently a single mother I adore heard a noise and looked out her window to see a good friend mowing her yard for her.
Entertain the older children
Having a new baby is constant 24/7 work and it is tiring work. Older children can feel restless or neglected because of all the attention the younger sibling is receiving. New mothers have to heal which means no rough housing with the kids and resting for at least a couple of weeks after birth.
With permission, take the kids to a park, a place like Chick-fil-A for lunch and time to play, if they have social activities or sports offer to drive them so mom can relax and feel like her older children are being taken care of as well. You can also offer to take the children for a night if you have that kind of relationship with the family but not all families want to be separated over night.
Keep your visits quick unless you have a task to do
Entertaining visitors while you are exhausted from childbirth or simply having a newborn can be very hard on the mother and family. You may be interrupting their nap time, she might have only slept an hour the night before or she may have anxiety or experiencing postpartum depression.
Unless you have a reason to stay for a long time such as chores around the house, entertaining an older child or such, be a huge help to new moms and keep your visit short.
The most important thing you can do for a new mom is let her know you are there for her.
What other ways have you found to help new moms in your life? Each mother is different in their needs so their wishes may be different than some of the suggestions in this post. All you have to do is ask her what is needed and I promise she will tell you!
